The Number-One Way Adults Can Support Youth Mental-Health

Black, who mostly works with queer youth and their caregivers, said that many adults feel a sense of pressure to know everything—particularly about things like pronoun use and LGBTQ+ terminology—in order to offer proper support to the kids in their lives. But the presence of a caring adult, even one who doesn’t know all of the answers, is greatly helpful.

According to the Trevor Project, when a young queer person has just one supportive adult in their life, their risk of attempting suicide drops by 40%. It’s about “presence over perfection,” Black said.

“The single most powerful force for youth mental health is strong relationships with a caring adult. Full stop,” Damour added. “Any kid who does not have a strong relationship with at least one adult is a kid in trouble.”

The question, then, is how adults should approach these relationships. But the answer is simple, according to Damour: Take teenagers seriously. Young people are often accustomed to being dismissed, she explained, so when an adult takes genuine interest in their lives, “they can smell that at 1,000 yards.”

Shelke, who is 17, agreed. “The best way to help a young person is to listen,” she said. “Sometimes learning to step back and just say ‘I understand’ to a young person can really make the biggest difference.”

Damour also encouraged the adults in the audience to adjust the way they view mental health in general. “Mental health is not about feeling good; it’s about having feelings that fit what’s happening, and then managing those feelings well,” she explained. “The job of adults is to steer kids towards healthy coping [strategies].”

This means creating an environment where young people feel free and safe to express their true feelings and emotions. Black, 51, recalled growing up at a time when kids were meant to be “seen and not heard,” and reflected on how the lack of open conversation during their own childhood fuels their current approach to advocacy on behalf of younger generations.

“In order to build the future that these youth deserve, we have to give them seats at the table. They have to be a part of our solution building,” they said.

Shelke, of Mind4Youth, is already at the table—and she’s inviting other teenagers to join her. “[Something] I try to do throughout my organization is really getting young people involved in advocacy to create and establish a culture of having an open environment where mental health can be prioritized,” she said. “The best way to change the culture is to have young people take part in the work: to talk to their peers and tell them that it’s OK to speak about mental health openly, and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

If you or someone you know may be experiencing a mental-health crisis or contemplating suicide, call or text 988. In emergencies, call 911, or seek care from a local hospital or mental health provider.